It's been quite a week. Last week, I had a car crash. But don't worry, I'm okay, thankfully. Whiplash may not be a walk in the park, and my poor car is no longer with us, but I'm grateful to have made it out okay.
Yet, in the midst of all of this, my mind couldn't help but sneak in some IVF worries. It's like my brain is fixated on it - the ups, the downs, and the uncertainties.
I've been rushing around, trying to sort out everything at lightning speed, like looking for a new car and thinking I needed to do everything really quickly to get things back to normal. But downplaying the pain? Guilty as charged. Maybe I thought pretending I was okay would make it all go away faster, but hey, the body has its way of reminding us to slow down, right?
The IVF situation has been gnawing at me. Without a car, how on earth can we get to the clinic? Should we move the embryo to a closer clinic? My husband has told me that I need to concentrate on actually getting better and healing rather than worrying about everything else. I think he's right but it's hard not to.
I've had some dark thoughts this week. Sometimes, I think, what if that car crash had been a bit worse? I know it sounds dramatic, but the thought crossed my mind - maybe a bit of a "legitimate" excuse to step away from it all. To escape the never-ending cycle of hope and disappointment.
This journey has moments that are so hard to endure. The disappointment of letting everyone down and, more importantly, letting myself down. It's tough when your deepest desire feels like it's always one step ahead.
But, I know this path isn't a straightforward one. It's messy, it's emotional, and sometimes it feels like walking on eggshells. I always find the strength to pick myself up, to keep going, and to embrace those vulnerabilities that make me human.